The Hikari
by sbyamibakura
Summary: KenseiHiro, postS2When he finally gets unfrozen from time, he finds himself in a coffin buried six feet under the ground.


The Hikari

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Heroes is owned by Tim Kring, I only own this story and make no profit from this, other than my own pleasure.

Warning: T-M for slashyness, mentions of blood, reflection, fluffiness I suppose…etc.

Feedback/Archive: Feedback good. Email me if you want to archive. I am very agreeable.

Pairing: Kensei/Hiro

Setting: After end of S2/Beginning of S3.

Summary: When he finally gets unfrozen from time, he finds himself in a coffin buried six feet under the ground.

He was a bitter man who spent too much time dwelling on what had happened long ago. Though not old in body, he felt the ages like a heavy weight on his shoulders that he could not lift away. Creating new identities for himself as time went on, having to make himself a new person again and again as ages past, looking no different then when he was nearly thirty.

He had seen famine wipe out countless people, starving children, men going to war for unjust causes, had seen theft, homelessness, and despair.

He had seen war destroy people, in mind and in body. Seeing boys barely old enough to start thinking of girls, going out to war, doing what they think is right.

He had seen the war for independence; seen people struggle against a tyranny that they no longer wished to be apart of, wishing to be free; He had fought on both sides for a time, wanting to see what both sides were truly fighting for. He understood the need for freedom, away from the shackles of something that held you down harder than steel.

This was after he had left Japan; he had stayed for years uncounted, watched from afar as an old and bent Yaeko visited the sakura blossoms every day. And he placed a sakura blossom on her grave when she died. He had still felt resentment, anger, sadness, and even envy as he looked down at her grave. Envy for what she had been able to have, and he had not; she had put her lips on his carp and kissed him.

Yes, his. Even if the rage and resentment, the betrayal, had blinded him to that truth that had been there the entire time, and he had never seen it.

After Yaeko's death, he left Japan for his native England for awhile, staying for centuries, but continuing to travel elsewhere, except for Japan, until the time of the revolution, meeting people along the way who were brilliant and interesting, and yes, even some of them had abilities and were 'heroes'.

Time continued to move on, and with it, showed a new technological age that he could only marvel at, feeling a bit in awe over the cycle of evolution; in things and in people.

All the while he thought of Hiro. Memories of him had never faded from his mind, if anything, they seemed to grow sharper as time went on, closer to the time that Nakamura, Hiro would be born. The Hiro who had shown up and told him that he was a hero, the Hiro who had shown him that he could be a hero, the Hiro who he watched from afar, not realizing what the confliction in his heart was trying to speak to him.

The Hiro who had captured his heart, and had torn it in two, leaving him feeling betrayed, and also numb; very, very numb; The rage was there, spewing its words as he had looked at Hiro inside of the tent in White Beard's camp, part of him aching to reach out to Hiro but the anger overriding everything else.

He hadn't been in the room when Hiro had been born, too busy working with his own set of heroes, people who had in the beginning, been lost and needed a hand to guide them, show them how to become heroes. Maybe he could tell Hiro of this later, when it truly mattered. He heard a door open across his office of their Company and looks up to see Kaito talking to Patricia, Parkman and Angela.

'It is a boy; we are calling him Hiro.'

And it was just like that; the thoughts that had never truly left his mind but had been put back away for his own sanity, had come back to the forefront and that crazed feeling went inside of him again. Hiro.

It was then that he thought of the virus that they had just created; he could use it and cleanse the human race, make it better. And then he could save those that was left and be a hero. He would show Hiro that he could be a hero and be worthy of the namesake that had instead went to Hiro, becoming Kensei, Takezo in his stead.

Then before he could do anything, he gets confined, by people who pretended to have the safety of everyone at heart. They were all liars; except for Kaito, the only one who truly wished to protect everyone from the virus. The rest were all greedy, ego-driven and hungry for more power.

He had talked with Kaito few times in that period, the man clearly wanting to stay away from him. He never told the man how much he knew of his little Hiro; although the soon-to-be time-traveler had come through the office a few times, he had been confined, but he always made sure to look through his slit of a door to see him. Watching how much he grew each time he looked at him.

The last time he saw Hiro during that period, the young boy had been walking through the hallway with his father and Linderman. As they come closer, he feels himself straining to get a better look at the young boy who would soon become the man who he would get betrayed by, and fall in love with. Suddenly Hiro's eyes move up and their eyes lock. He felt his eyes widen and something in his heart twinges as the boy smiles and walks on.

The emotions come flooding back from the tide of numbness, after only being able to feel rage at Hiro for so long, he had forgotten how to feel so much more. The onslaught of feelings overwhelmed him and he cried for the first time since Hiro had left White Beard's camp, leaving him to die.

He felt regret and remorse, and love, such love for him that the tears did not stop falling until he finally manages to curl himself up on his mattress and fall asleep.

During this time, various members of the Company would visit him. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they wouldn't. More often than not, they were silent. Not needing to speak or hear him speak when they had Parkman around.

It was Parkman they had enter his room one night.

He and Parkman lock eyes and he tries unsuccessfully to push back his thoughts from the man and sees the man's eyes widen minutely from one of his thoughts, he wasn't sure which one. But many had to do with Hiro, so it must have been that. Parkman abruptly left the room, leaving him to sit on his bed in confusion, absently rubbing at the back of his neck and jerking his head up in surprise as the room opens once more.

This time it was Parkman accompanied by Angela Petrelli and Linderman.

'You're going to do something for us,' said Angela suddenly. 'Something that you've wanted to do for awhile now; we…regrettably see that there doesn't seem to be an alternative. So we want you to release the virus.'

He felt himself grow cold. _Now _they wanted him to release the virus? He felt a bubble of caustic laughter come out his throat. How rich! They wanted him to do it now when he no longer had the mind or will to. He did not want to destroy the world that had a hopeful little boy who idolized a sword-saint for being a hero. He wanted to change things; if he could change them, then perhaps he could be given another chance.

He wanted to be that hero for the boy who was learning of him, and he wanted to be a hero for the man he would become, wanting nothing more than his respect, faith, and love again. If love had ever been there for him…

He shakes his head. 'Doing that will only place everyone together to revolt against you; you don't see that? It took me over four hundred years to finally learn what I should have long ago, and you want me to wipe out millions of lives for your own sakes? You've got to be joking.'

Angela's face was as expressionless as ever, except maybe for a tint of hatred in her eyes, rebelling once more against the man who helped her discover what she could do, and in doing so, he must have reaped what he sowed.

'They won't know anything of our involvement; you will be our…front man, for lack of a better word. We only want what's best for the human race as a whole, and this cleansing will give it to us, letting us control what we should have from the beginning; we are special, we have abilities that they do not, and because of that, these blind, hopeless fools will learn from us and we will create a better society, all for the greater good.'

He wondered if he had sounded that bad when he had talked about it the first time.

'And I tell you that I won't do it!' He stands up, feeling in that moment that he truly was the sword-saint that Hiro read of, the person that he could have been, should have been, if he hadn't let the anger and betrayal get in the way. 'You will not use me for your scapegoat, Angela. None of you; I found all of you; I showed you who you could be. I never told you to do something like this.'

'But you thought about it,' said Linderman. 'And you told us about it eventually; why the sudden change of heart? All because of one little boy…why I'm touched. And we don't need your consent, we already have it." He turns to look at Parkman who walks forward in that moment.

He felt his limbs grow cold and he couldn't move, no doubt Angela's doing. All he could do was look as Parkman walked closer; grinning maniacally and suddenly he felt his mind open and the all encompassing thought that was getting drilled into his head. He screams as the thought gets buried deeper and deeper, blood running down his face until he felt blinded by it all.

'CARP!'

His mind was hazy after that. He went through the motions of his actions, and feels it clear one day, not knowing how many years had passed, when he hears a man on the other side of the wall.

Then; freedom, after meeting Peter Petrelli; his thought before this time and after he meets Peter were very hazy and he could do things but some things seemed to go on auto-pilot, driving him on, onward to get the virus, release the virus. When he could retreat from this driven self, he could think of Hiro, wonder if he was all grown up now, the way he remembered him from so many years before.

He goes through the motions as he and Peter try and learn where the virus' whereabouts were, seeing himself kill Patricia, but not really feeling it, until he felt his blood and seemed to come to himself a bit.

But the true awakening moment for him, the closest he had been in many years had been when he had seen Hiro on the ground, after having been frozen in time for moments. He looked better than his infallible memory had remembered. He felt as if he was locked in time again after seeing Hiro, feeling that swell of emotion hit quite hard, until he gets locked away from himself and grabs onto his—their—sword and goes the other way with Peter, part of him having been forcibly determined to release the virus at all costs, while the other part of him was crying out to go back.

He continued forward.

But this had been the first time in awhile he felt any real semblance of actual control of his body after it had been altered by Parkman. Hiro appeared again and he leaves Peter with him, managing to at least leave the room so he couldn't see Peter hurting his carp.

He found the virus and takes a breath, feeling himself for a moment, and then getting surprised by Hiro as he appears in the room. Now that the virus was in his hands, he felt the itching intensify, wanting to release it then, knowing that it couldn't hurt himself. But this time he felt like he could fight against this thought, this self that he had stopped being but had been forced to be again, fighting against releasing it then, talking to Hiro all the while, and finally managing to hold on long enough until Hiro grabs onto him and teleports them out of there.

He felt sorry as he felt the vial leave his hands, but he couldn't stop it, and felt relief that no matter what would happen, Hiro would be away from it.

He hadn't expected to be in Japan when he opened his eyes or that because of him finally doing what Parkman, Angela, Linderman and the others had wanted him to do, the thought left him and he gasps for air against the sudden whoosh that comes out of him.

He tries to speak to Hiro after that split second moment, but sees Hiro looking at him with a feeling of regret and finds himself frozen, Hiro having frozen time, and when he finally gets unfrozen from time, he finds himself in a coffin buried six feet under the ground.

He screams for his carp, his Hiro, but he heard no answer or relief.

"LET ME OUT! CARP! CARP! KOI! CARP! LET ME OUT!" The word love left his lips and it continued to do so, mingled with that of his carp and his terror at finding himself suddenly confined when he had finally been freed of the hateful thoughts that had been plaguing him for over four hundred years and again for nearly thirty years.

He had become the Kensei that Hiro had wanted all along, and instead was now locked away in a confining space of wood, buried under dirt, attempting to claw his way out of the grave with no success. Blood spurts out of his hands from the deep punctures and cuts, only to regenerate themselves a moment later. The air gets sucked out of his lungs which continually renew themselves, dying again and again from lack of air, only to keep coming back, his heart still beating all the while.

He screamed himself hoarse and started up again when he regained his voice. It took awhile for him to stop, unable to keep on, not from lack of strength in body, but of mind. Regret foremost in the mind of one who had time to dwell on lost hopes and dreams.

He wept.

Days must have passed in succession. He only screamed a little now, sure that no one could hear him so deeply under the ground, but determined to try for a little while longer anyway.

He wanted nothing more than to pour out the apologies to Hiro that his carp should have gotten long ago; but now he wouldn't ever get that chance again.

He lets sleep take him under, wishing he could just stay asleep, because he could not die, but at least he could get a respite from the pain.

He let himself pretend that dirt was being dug up and that he could hear frantic voices up above him. Maybe he could make the voice Hiro's, he could remember his voice so vividly…Yes, definitely…Hiro…

He falls under.

He felt hands wipe at his own tenderly as his eyes open themselves up. He looks down at the hands which were cleaning off his of the dried blood and looks up in confusion and a little bit of hope; he knew whose those hands were as much as he knew the person; he knew everything about him.

"How are you feeling, Kensei?" asked Hiro softly.

He felt a lump against his throat and tried to swallow against it, unable to believe what his very good eyesight was trying to present him. If this was a dream that he was in, then when he woke up he would kill himself; he could not take this pain any longer.

But it seemed so very real, the surroundings looking unfamiliar to him, lying on a large bed instead of a satin lined coffin. And even more so that was different and which seemed the most real, was Hiro himself. He even pushed up his glasses as he leans down looking at him, a habit which he had noticed from the time-traveler early on after meeting him.

Had he truly been called Kensei by Hiro? What did that mean? He had heard the slip from Hiro when they had been conversing and fighting in the facility in Odessa, but he hadn't said the name like he just did, the same way he had done so long ago, in the beginning anyway. No…Hiro had just been calling him Adam. Adam Monroe was his moniker in this age, though his name had been different when he had been born so long ago, a name which was of no concern now.

He reaches a hand up to touch Hiro's face. He nearly gasps at the contact; he had still half expected for this to be a dream and that Hiro would just fade away within his grasp.

"Sorry," he murmurs, looking up into Hiro's eyes, seeing Hiro's own filled with sorrow, remorse and other emotions he couldn't, and dared not, name. "I'm so sorry; Hiro."

"But I…I know all of what happened to you, Kensei." said Hiro remorsefully. "Now I do. I didn't when I put you in that coffin, but I do now! I didn't want to do it, but it was the only solution I could see without…" Without killing me, Adam-Kensei thought.

"I'm so sorry, carp." He moves his hand from caressing Hiro's cheek to his neck, pulling him down, surprised at how little resistance the man gave. He pulls the man to his side and looks at him, reveling in his freedom from his confinement and at being able to hold Hiro, with his carp not seeming to mind. He moves closer to Hiro, seeing Hiro's eyes widen minutely, grabbing onto the glasses on his face and tossing them aside. "Koi…"

His eyes close as he leans over and kisses him.

If this was a dream, then he wished to never wake up. Let him have an illusion if he must.

But this felt more real than anything else than he could remember.

"Ai shiteru, little carp; more than anything."

"Ai shiteru, Kensei; for so long that I didn't even know. "

He kisses Hiro again and for the first time in over four hundred years of existence, he felt truly happy.

And when he wakes up hours later, it is not to the sight of the dark and confining coffin, which held him in its malice and made him feel such hopelessness. Instead he is greeted to the sight of Hiro still wrapped around him after their night of pleasure.

His hikari, his carp, his koi; he would be the hero that Hiro had always wanted to see; for him and for his own self.

"Ai shiteru," he told the sleeping Hiro, smiling at him.

He would continue to enjoy this life that he could now lead with Hiro. And if one of these nights he happened to wake up in a coffin instead of this, then he would try not to regret anything.

He would hold onto this dream for as long as he could, if it was a dream.

And if it was not…then he could be that hero that he had been shown he could be.

Either way, he would not forget the light that Hiro showed him, a light that he would always remember that Hiro held within him.

A/N: Oo What the?! How did THIS come about? Geez…Not that I'm unhappy. I'm not! I just didn't expect this monster! P Over thirty five hundred words when I was just trying to write some kind of Kensei/Hiro. Didn't expect so much reflection from Kensei…oh well!

And!! dances one of my prompts over at a community on livejournal I'm apart of, swordmates, got used! 'If I had told you I loved you then, would we be here where we are now, carp?' And people liked it as well! When I saw my prompt being used only a few days after I posted it, I squee'd and was all giddy, even more so when I saw that people were 3 the line. I feel all proud and stuff now…anyway.

I hope you liked this, expect more soon! I'll probably post a darker version of this as well. I got the idea from amenochikara on lj when she finally! posted the first part to her NC-17 Kiro fic and she posted the dark part first.

Plus there are probably questions on where Hiro had Kensei, how he knew about everything, etc…I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to do with that…

And I'll probably write/post another part to the Empty series soon…

And as far as I know, I'm the first person to write into fic, or to even put out the thoughts, that Parkman could have controlled Kensei. It's doubtful that's how it happened, but even so…it helps a Kiro heart! D

And I want to write some NC-17 Kensei/Hiro…mmm….xD

Keep reading and reviewing!

--PhoenixJustice


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